Christian women spam

Or women who want to make money from Christians are spamming.

Today’s winners:

Tammie Kiker of Federated Wholesale in Atlanta

and

Shiree at logosemail.com, which appears to be related to logosinternet.com, which appears to be related to the always spam-happy onechurchsource.com, which supplied some toastedspam.com content a while back. This is a domain that unabashedly, even proudly, markets itself as “Your One Church Source for the Business of Ministry”. (I guess ol’ Shiree didn’t get the New Testament edition that has the whole overturned tables in the temple thing. “Business of ministry”: there’s a phrase to confirm cynicism about Christianity. Ever see Buddhists advertise about the “business of ministry”?)

Shiree gets special points because her email admits that they buy (or possibly make up, themselves) spam lists: This newsletter is never sent unsolicited. It was sent to you because you signed up to receive this newsletter on a Logos Media Network website or affiliate website, OR you were listed as the Key Contact for Your Organization Listed in our directory of Church & Christian Resources.*

So…. the email IS sent unsolicited if you just happen to be listed as the “Key Contact.” How addresses at my domain that are not associated with a person, just a particular Web directory, manage to get listed as the “Key Contact” (how many “Key Contacts” can one lowly domain have? quite a few!) — oh, wait! This blog wouldn’t exist if we didn’t know how that happens. I’m sure this is consistent with the business model of an outfit that also appears to make money from domain squatting (“Church and Christian
Domains for Sale”).

Well done, ladies!

Traditional values?

Comes today a raft of email to what appears to be every spam-harvestable email address in my domain from someone who fashions her/himself “Rev Lou Sheldon” at Traditional Values Coalition.

Their remedy? “Ma’am, have you tried unsubscribing.”

It isn’t a question. It’s a command, a “don’t expect ME to do anything” response from someone who then hangs up and won’t pick up the phone again.

Guess what, Lou? Spam isn’t a traditional value. It isn’t right to buy an email list from someone who has used spam-bots — which is the only way these email addresses were picked up.

All I can conclude is that your bulletin inserts and your weirdly designed Web sites — scrolling banners are, like, so 1995 and no one liked them then — haven’t attracted much visibility. So here’s a little more visibility for you, bud.

How many of your supporters would endorse spam and would be happy to know that a portion, however small, of their contributions enable your low-life mass marketing approach? I’ll be looking around to see which ones I can contact.

The battle for respectability

I’m a snoop.

Curious, as always, about links between formerly reputable organizations like Multnomah Press and eroi.com, I googled around and did a couple of traceroutes.

eroi.com, warriors in the battle to spam, is based in… wait for it… Portland, Oregon.

Multnomah Publishers — or should we be saying Christian Books Direct (yes, let’s say that, so as not to confuse the search bots) — appears to have decamped to Sisters or Bend, Oregon but was formerly based in the same locale as its parent, Multnomah Bible College: Portland, Oregon.

I wonder how hard I would have to look to find that someone from Multnomah (in one of its guises) met someone from eroi at some “Christian businessmen’s” breakfast or lunch(eon). Probably not very. But it’s late and it’s almost Lent, when I ought to begin concerning myself more with my own sinfulness than with the egregious transgressions of others, even those wild and ever-fabulously wooly (if often bald) Christian business men.

(What the hell is “Christian business,” by the way? If it’s about feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, housing the homeless, and all that boring Gospel stuff, which is the only business I know that is truly Christian, I guess I’m in. Otherwise, sign me up for filthy but honest mammon. Ryan does give a thought to Christian business — or did a year ago –, but then appears swiftly to move on to other more, er, rewarding occupations. The well-known [to the likes of you and me] statistics lead, in Ryan-world, to a conclusion woth sharing: the need for both acceptance, understanding and education become glaringly apparent. Ignore the language, which I assume Ryan faithfully reproduced by cutting and pasting to his blog, and consider that what is “glaringly apparent” in Ryan-world is the need for acceptance, understanding, and education. Yup, that’ll do a right trick for malaria and hunger.)

The battle for deliverability?

Ha! Some jerk related to mailroi (yes, folks, illegitimacy is rampant even among royals) has a blog “themailwars” which he tags “FIGHTING THE BATTLE FOR DELIVERABILITY”.

If we lived in the days of Sodom and Gomorrah, do you suppose some Sodomite would be running a blog tagged “FIGHTING THE BATTLE FOR BUGGERY”?

Ryan at “eroi” writes elsewhere And, protection is a good thing – it prevents pregnancies, STDs, and a substantial loss of money if your ideas are taken without any compensation. You may ask, “aside from condoms…”

Huh. Well, Ryan, if ya need any more evidence than this that you should keep me off your email lists, take this: I’m Roman Catholic. We don’t see a big need to prevent pregnancies because we tend to think that intercourse is for mommies and daddies who are married to each other (or, in the event, for those married to each other who are open to the gift of children), so your frivolous mention of condoms is offensive.

One more thing. You sound like a heretic and probably should get with the notion of repentence.

Multnomah Press, now flying under the new colors of…

…christianbooksdirect.com, spams.

I know this because they’ve spammed me — or, rather, they’ve spammed several of the email addresses that come to me because of the domain I own and run.

Their email originates with — wait for it — theplanet.com powered by emailroi, a program that is the mother’s milk of spammers just like alcohol is the mother’s milk of alcoholics.

Multnomah Press had, as far as I knew, a reasonably ethical set of business practices. Oh, well.

A humorous aside. Maybe after Lent begins next week, I’ll get my mind out of the gutter. This week, I’m laughing my head off that their Web site leads off with the titillating statement that At Christian Books Direct, we are dedicated to servicing churches, ministries, and small groups throughout the country…

Indeed.

elpweb.net and Brescia University

It’s hard to believe the Ursuline Sisters (“home of Sr. Angela Merici,” their spam advises me) would get behind this, but Brescia University has joined the ranks of spammers.

They’re probably pretty happy with themselves for having hooked up with a spam outfit, elpweb.net, that claims that their “It is our desire to never send an unwanted email.”

My desire — at least one of them — is never to see a split infinitive. That digression aside, claiming to desire never to send unwanted email simply means that they hope everyone will want to receive the emails they send. How can THEY help it if you don’t want their emails?

Offering an “opt-out” meets a minimal requirement of the anti-spam law (written by spammers, so it’s damned ineffectual) in the United States.

Big whoop.

Brescia’s unwanted email makes the grandiose claim of “world-class education!” It’s hard to believe such a claim from an outfit that shows so little class in how it chooses to market itself.

Fitness spamming for Jesus?

Wanna throw your “kidz” birthday party at a spam factory? Look no further than Kidz Sports World, the brainchild of one Denise Muzik, who puzzlingly thinks that people interested in fitness for children will think that spam is healthy.

Strictly speaking, Denise isn’t promoting a religious or charitable cause. No, I reckon she bought a list of email addresses for sites about “kidz”. If she or her husband Rodney Muzik, who also seems to be involved in this spam producer, was hoping I would pass the word, I guess I have.

What would Jesus spam?

This blog is a place to jot down sources of the copious amounts of spam I receive because of a fairly busy domain I own. The spam is from churches, from charities, even from individuals who are promoting various religious or charitable projects. Much of it is sent through theplanet.com; much of it doesn’t include the requisite “opt out” opportunity.

I’ve had it.

Tonight I received spam from Media Relevance inviting me to apply for a grant, probably on the basis of their notion that I have an AIDS “ministry.” Right.

I could do quite a riff on the embarrassing preoccupation of evangelicals with “relevance,” but for now let’s just leave it with a list of organizations they claim as clients:

World Vision
Purpose Driven Ministries (I think this is probably a Rick Warren outfit)
Online Business Systems
Food For the Poor
Master’s Divinity School
Gospel For Asia
Billy Graham Crusade
Pioneer Clubs
Lifeway
Denver Rescue Mission
Stewart Signs
Chairtext
Pioneer Clubs (oops! their list is spamming itself!)
Xulon Press
Paradise Pointe
Precision Play
Christian Slide
FiveStone Studios
Biblical Seminary

That’s quite a list.

Here’s what “Media Relevance” says it does, verbatim: INTERNET Research/Planning Consulting; Web Banner Advertising (all forms); Newsletter Advertising (all forms), Search Engine Advertising (all forms), Direct E-mail Advertising (all forms) [BINGO! I John 1:9!]

They also claim to do direct mail (yum! junk snail mail!), radio market research and “commercial/non-commercial placement” (what the hell is that?), and print research/planning/consulting “placement”

So, boys and girls, in conclusion we cannot state definitively that

World Vision spams or is, itself, a spammer or hires Media Relevance to spam for it; or that
Purpose Driven Ministries (I think this is probably a Rick Warren outfit) spams or is, itself, a spammer or hires Media Relevance to spam for it; or that
Online Business Systems spams or is, itself, a spammer or hires Media Relevance to spam for it; or that
Food For the Poor spams or is, itself, a spammer or hires Media Relevance to spam for it; or that
Master’s Divinity School spams or is, itself, a spammer or hires Media Relevance to spam for it; or that
Gospel For Asia spams or is, itself, a spammer or hires Media Relevance to spam for it; or that
Billy Graham Crusade spams or is, itself, a spammer or hires Media Relevance to spam for it; or that
Pioneer Clubs spams or is, itself, a spammer or hires Media Relevance to spam for it; or that
Lifeway spams or is, itself, a spammer or hires Media Relevance to spam for it; or that
Denver Rescue Mission spams or is, itself, a spammer or hires Media Relevance to spam for it; or that
Stewart Signs spams or is, itself, a spammer or hires Media Relevance to spam for it; or that
Chairtext spams or is, itself, a spammer or hires Media Relevance to spam for it; or that
Pioneer Clubs (oops! their list is spamming itself!) spams or is, itself, a spammer or hires Media Relevance to spam for it; or that
Xulon Press spams or is, itself, a spammer or hires Media Relevance to spam for it; or that
Paradise Pointe spams or is, itself, a spammer or hires Media Relevance to spam for it; or that
Precision Play spams or is, itself, a spammer or hires Media Relevance to spam for it; or that
Christian Slide spams or is, itself, a spammer or hires Media Relevance to spam for it; or that
FiveStone Studios spams or is, itself, a spammer or hires Media Relevance to spam for it; or that
Biblical Seminary spams or is, itself, a spammer or hires Media Relevance to spam for it.

But, according to the spamming outfit Media Relevance,

World Vision is a client of a company that spams.
Purpose Driven Ministries (I think this is probably a Rick Warren outfit) is a client of a company that spams.
Online Business Systems is a client of a company that spams.
Food For the Poor is a client of a company that spams.
Master’s Divinity School is a client of a company that spams.
Gospel For Asia is a client of a company that spams.
Billy Graham Crusade is a client of a company that spams.
Pioneer Clubs is a client of a company that spams.
Lifeway is a client of a company that spams.
Denver Rescue Mission is a client of a company that spams.
Stewart Signs is a client of a company that spams.
Chairtext is a client of a company that spams.
Pioneer Clubs (oops! their list is spamming itself!) is a client of a company that spams.
Xulon Press is a client of a company that spams.
Paradise Pointe is a client of a company that spams.
Precision Play is a client of a company that spams.
Christian Slide is a client of a company that spams.
FiveStone Studios is a client of a company that spams.
Biblical Seminary is a client of a company that spams.

Spam is an abomination, a corruption of the good tool of email and email lists. Using it reflects horribly on the sender, both the commercial interest that is facilitating the spam and the (usually naive) organization or individual who was, like Eve, seduced into doing something that seemed too good to be true: know what God knows! promote your project or product to thousands of churches and pastors who have signed up because they want to hear from you!

That’s just wrong.

Nothing seems to get the attention of those who fall for the easy lines of spam promoters. So let’s see whether a blog arouses their interest or, more likely, their ire.